Ah, New Year's Eve. Together with Valentine's Day, these are the 'holidays' that have always haunted me. At some point, I shed my expectations for the fake holiday that is Valentine's Day. I truly felt at some point that it was a horrible excuse of a day where people just felt bad about themselves, or made others feel badly about their forced displays of affection. I also hated how it somehow made it okay to ignore telling someone you love them the other 364 days of the year, as long as your sacrificial offering to Hallmark, florists or jewelers was somehow 'enough.' I wasn't always immune, there were plenty of times that I pined away for a boyfriend, or just to not feel alone. But now I'm married, and we don't even exchange a card, because that is how we want it.
New Year's Eve though.....that's the one that still retains its mythical proportions in my head. The impossible standards of THE MOST FUN EVER!!!!! All while you look glamorous and so very.....very.......these ideas have been sold to me at some point. It probably doesn't help that I have actually had quite a few really wonderful New Year's Eves. Or maybe it's the idea that saying goodbye to the old and ringing in the new is a great idea. That reflection and hope are things I don't really want to lose. I can be honest enough with myself to know that most NYE plans never measure up to the great party in my head. My best NYE's have been wonderful because of where I was, and who I was with. Nowadays on any given December 31st, I can be found at home, on the couch, perhaps remembering to have some wine (or even actual champagne, ooh la la) at the appointed hour. But this is the holiday on which I choose to pin my future hopes. I've outgrown Valentine's Day, and maybe I've outgrown what makes NYE so terrible as well. I know that it doesn't have to be at a cool club or bar, and it definitely doesn't have to involve drinking too much. For me, it just has to involve being with those I love, laughing, and having a good time, no matter what my circumstances are. I like to think back over the last year, and feel nostalgic, silly and just plain glad it's over. Just as I like to think forward to the new year, so full of hope, and sometimes impossible expectations. It's a good thing to review the past, not to sit and wallow in it, and then to move on to what we want most for ourselves next. Nothing wrong with that at all. And there's nothing wrong to hope that in the future I will be in a fabulous place, like I was when I lived in Europe for three wonderful NYE celebrations, or with wonderful people, like I was when I witnessed 1999 turn into 2000. I like that feeling of hope. And the fact that for New Year's Eve there are relatively few Hallmark cards. So long 2012, you were very good to me. And greetings 2013, I can't wait to see where we go this year.
